Packing Thoughts

I just looked at the calender and realized that there are only 5 1/2 weeks left until we go to the States.  In Portuguese we have a saying that basically translates to "my stomach is cold" - meaning a knot of anticipation and nerves.  That's exactly how I feel every time I think about going on our trip.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not nervous to go to the US.  After all it is my homeland and I just love it and I'm SO SO excited for many things involved such as: seeing family, Jeyson's training, and a big bowl of Cheerios!  But my stomach gets cold when I think about the fact that we are leaving our home for 7 months!  7 MONTHS!  That is a long time to leave your home and it just doesn't feel natural.  Packing up the stuff out of our your dresser, giving someone else the key to your house, not knowing how many beds you will sleep in until you are back in yours, becoming a short term nomad....it is just...not...natural. 

There are a lot of sacrifices involved in missions, but to be honest I don't actively think about most of them - no hot water, unpredictable income, etc. They just don't feel like sacrifices to me...I've accepted and embraced them.  But this one, of being away from my stable home and comfy nest (even if it's in Brazil) feels like a HUGE one for me.  I thrive on routine: having my desk with my filing cabinet in it, knowing just what brand of dish soap to buy without having stop to compare, knowing sort of what to expect out of a week.  I do well with these and it hard to think of giving them up for so long.

I think God wired me to be the kind of person who is comfortable and flexible wherever I am.  This is a huge blessing that has allowed me to feel totally fine far, far from many comforts.  Without this wiring I would probably would not have survived the cultural transition to Brazil.  However, the downside of this wiring is that when I'm feeling comfortable wherever I'm at, the idea of leaving this place and going on to another (even if it's an easy, fun and nice place!) always has an element of difficulty.  I'm kind of like Jell-o.  I can easily be poured into any shape or size container, but once I've chilled out there a while I'm not so easy to remove from the mold!

But the time has come to start the preparation process.  I stopped stocking up the pantry to use up what I have.  I'm gathering up borrowed items to return.  We're storing through our clothes to give away what we don't wear.  Time to get a tune up on the car to leave it ready to be stored.  And organize with someone to bring the cat for his annual shots while we're away.  Tons of things to keep me distracted logistically so I don't have to process emotionally.  But that's no good.  Instead I had to take a break from the sorting and purging to process my thoughts and feelings here so I can move on.  Don't get me wrong.  I am EXCITED to go, but it's not without some level of sacrifice in leaving the place we call home. 

The remainder of 2012 is going to be an adventure.  Hopefully one year from now we'll look back and see all of the things we learned and be more useful for His glory.